STraining your quick-wittedness is definitely possible, and the best way to test this skill is to do it in practice! Below you’ll find a list of possible verbal attacks, divided into different situations and areas, which you should use for this specific training.
Instructions for the following exercise: Read one of the following stupid sayings one after the other, imagine that someone were to attack you with it, and then briefly consider what quick-witted reply you could confidently counter this stupid saying in a real situation.
If you need some inspiration for comebacks and quick-witted sayings, then check out this ultimate collection of quick-witted replies .
Training quick-wittedness: verbal attacks on appearance
- “I don’t know what’s worse for you, your swim rings or your dark circles.”
- “What happened to you? Did you go to the dog groomer?”
- “That’s not a T-shirt, that’s a garbage bag!”
- “You’re the perfect example of knock knees!”
- “Your outfit looks really cheap!”
- “You should go fishing with your nose.”
- “Have you ever considered a hair transplant/toupee? You should do it urgently; what you have on your head looks terrible!”
- “Forgive my bluntness, but your ears are pretty huge.”
- “Your best days are already behind you.”
- “More exercise wouldn’t hurt you either!”
- “Well, you can’t even get clothes like that from the Red Cross.”
- “Did you wash your hair in used oil?”
- “Do you have that plastic clock from a cereal box?”
- “How can you possibly combine these shoes and this shirt?”
- “If I were as small as you, I’d probably be just as much of a pain in the ass!”
- “Why are you wearing the same thing again?”
- “You should definitely watch some makeup tutorials on YouTube.”
Training your quick-wittedness: Unpleasant phrases
- “You drive like my grandmother.”
- “You’re such a dreamer, how is that supposed to work?!”
- “You’re always late!”
- “You eat quite a lot, a diet would be more appropriate.”
- “Your shirt isn’t even ironed.”
- “My goodness, you’re a mess as always.”
- “Think for a moment, please.”
- “You must be suffering from conceit.”
- “You look really worn out.”
- “Your dialect is terrible!”
- “Did you even listen to me?!”
- “You have the sensitivity of an elephant!”
- “A person can hardly be more inflexible.”
- “Why don’t you get it? I’ve explained it to you 100 times already.”
- “You’re obviously avoiding the issue.”
- “You’re slower than a turtle.”
- “You constantly contradict yourself!”
- “You’re just trying to get your own advantage.”
Training quick-wittedness: verbal attacks related to gender
- “Men only want one thing anyway.”
- “Oh my gosh, women and technology! This is going to be something!”
- “Career women are tomboys to me, I find it absolutely unsexy!”
- “To me, you’re not a man, you’re just a wimp.”
- “If you don’t have another drink with me now, then you’re not a man for me!”
- “You’re a prime example of ‘women and parking!'”
- “My grandmother has the same taste in hairstyles.”
- “Are you on your period today or why are you in such a bad mood?!”
- “Just a low neckline is definitely not enough!”
- “Typical woman/man!”
Training your quick-wittedness: Insolence
- “Where on earth did you pick up your impossible partner?!”
- “If you had one less brain cell, you’d be a plant.”
- “Even a chimpanzee is more likeable to me than you.”
- “No wonder you’re not married yet. Who would want you anyway?!”
- “Are you blind or just stupid? It’s clearly written there!”
- “I wouldn’t even dare go to a junkyard with a car like that.”
- “Look at yourself, you’re way too old for this.”
- “Oh man, even your parents must be ashamed of you!”
- “You don’t even have your life under control.”
- “What is that disgusting stain on your pants?”
- “Wow, you rarely see such filthy handwriting.”
- “You’re adopted? Do your parents even love you?”
- “You disgust me with your lies!”
- “Top-notch nonsense that comes out of your mouth every time!”
- “Please speak in another direction, this bad breath is unbearable.”
- “You’re still alive, despite being brain dead!”
- “No one feels comfortable in your presence!”
- “Well, you’ve been in better shape before.”
- “That’s a pretty penetrating perfume!”
- “You will always be a failure, just like your father!”
Train your quick-wittedness: Accusations that put you in a box
- “You are an absolute egoist.”
- “When you open your mouth, you always beat around the bush like a politician.”
- “I’ve never seen such a dependent mama’s boy.”
- “It’s never good enough for you, you’re always finding something to complain about.”
- “You’re such a chatterbox!”
- “Honestly, it looks like you have a drinking problem!”
- “What kind of country bumpkin are you?”
- “Don’t be such a coward.”
- “You’ve always been a bore!”
- “You’re more uptight than a nun!”
- “To me, you’re clearly a loudmouth, but there’s nothing behind it.”
- “What made you so arrogant?”
Training quick-wittedness: accusations about qualifications
- “I heard you failed school?”
- “What? You’re just a housewife?”
- “You’re an absolute idiot!”
- “Clearly this is beyond your comprehension.”
- “You can’t expect anything else from someone without a university degree.”
- “Are you even qualified enough for that?”
- “Man, you haven’t learned anything in at least 10 years.”
Test your quick-wittedness: Meeting ricochets
- “God, how boring, we’ve all heard that before!”
- “Now finally get to the point!”
- “Don’t stutter/lisp so much.”
- “That’s the biggest nonsense I’ve ever heard.”
- “Doesn’t work! We’ve tried everything.”
- “Who on earth comes up with ideas like that?”
- “Boring!”
Testing your quick-wittedness: Attacks in professional life
- “Could you perhaps finally contribute something useful?”
- “It’s better to keep your ideas to yourself, it only disrupts the flow of the group conversation!”
- “Your suggestion is completely undeveloped!”
- “You’re still busy with research? What kind of poor time management is that?”
- “Please stop with these diversions and stay on topic!”
- “Your presentation yesterday was an absolute disaster!”
- “It’s always the same phrases in the industry, don’t you have anything new?”
- “You’re leaving already? Your free time is more important to you than your work?!”
- “You have absolutely no experience and are far too young for the job.”
- “Your hourly rate is pretty high!”
- “What? You’re a civil servant?”
- “They are so unreliable, I can’t work with them!”
- “What you’re saying is just theory!”
- “You’re a management ass-kisser!”
- “I wouldn’t have expected such a stupid suggestion from you.”
I hope you enjoyed the verbal attacks above! Tip: You should take 20 minutes of your time for about seven consecutive days and do this quick-wittedness exercise. I guarantee you’ll be much better prepared in the future and always have a quick-witted response ready in difficult situations.
Again, the reminder: You’ll find suitable quick-witted responses, how to defend yourself, and confidently counter stupid remarks in this ultimate collection of counter-sayings and quick-wittedness!
