Anyone who has ever seen an episode of “Sherlock Holmes” or “The Mentalist” probably dreams of understanding people, reading their body language in a split second and accurately determining their intentions.
Of course, it will never be possible to know exactly what the person you are talking to is thinking , but it is often possible to make more concrete statements or guesses about their current mood if you have taken a closer look at the topic of body language and how to interpret body language .
Once you have familiarized yourself with body language and signals, it will also be easier for you to modify your own body language in certain situations so that you are surrounded by positivity, sovereignty and self-assurance like an aura and you automatically appear more convincing and self-confident to others.
Why body language & nonverbal communication is so important
Your words are usually a means to an end, communicating your thoughts and intentions. Your body language—your posture, position relative to the other person, and your facial expressions—determine the success of your communication with other people.
“The words that come out of your mouth are just a drop in the ocean of communication.” Or, to put it scientifically: 60% of your communication isn’t spoken words.
Therefore, in this article, I’ll teach you how to use these 60% to give your words more expression. How to read others’ body language to adjust your behavior or recognize when someone is nervous, for example, because they’re lying. Yes, you’ll even be able to communicate high social status and, therefore, attractiveness through your body language.
One more thing before I show you specific methods to improve your body language: Remember that no gesture is “universal.” Crossed arms can signal a blockage, but sometimes they’re simply for keeping warm or a comfortable position.
Rubbing your eyes could indicate frustration, or it could simply mean that someone is tired. Try not to read too literally into individual gestures. What matters is the overall expression of a person’s body language. So don’t take everything too seriously; be attentive and pay attention to their overall body language.
In the following, you’ll first learn how to interpret other people’s body language, or rather, the most typical signals/assumptions that our counterpart’s body language can reveal . In the second part, we’ll focus on your own body language—what you communicate nonverbally and how to appear more attractive, confident, and relaxed.
Interpreting other people’s body language
The biggest mistake in interpreting body language
This is something you should definitely not do when reading the body language of others: pay attention primarily to the face and attach too much importance to it. The reason is simple. In our society, the first thing we are taught is to lie with our face, or to hide our true feelings. Back then, when you first tried spinach, you may have been told: “Don’t make such a face.”
To ensure you can still interpret body language correctly, I am giving you some important pointers to follow. Of course, facial expressions can sometimes give things away, but most people have learned, for example, to put on a fake smile.
Interpreting body language through the eyes
” Eyes are the windows to the soul ” – Replace “soul” with “personality,” and this quote isn’t far from the truth. Larger pupils and prolonged eye contact are signs of interest and attraction in the other person.
Even people with very strong personalities look away from time to time during a conversation. If someone keeps looking you in the eyes (you’ll probably perceive it as staring), you should consider whether the other person is lying to you .
Interpreting body language through gait
Nowhere is body language more evident than when someone walks. Just sit down on a bench in the city centre or in the park and observe. We’ll cover the theory of interpreting body language here, but to put it into practice, you have to be active yourself. You’ll learn an incredible amount just by observing!
The way a person walks reflects their personality to a large extent.
If a person moves with small, quick steps , avoids eye contact and only looks at the ground, these are all signs of a weak personality . It even seems as if this person’s steps have no meaning to them at all, as if they have no goal in mind.
Maybe you know those films in which the main character walks through the crowd much slower than everyone else. Despite this, or precisely because of this(!), you can only pay attention to them. Long, slower steps, prolonged eye contact and an upright posture are signs of a strong personality . This time it will seem to you as if this person’s steps really do matter because they believe it does.
Interpreting body language through the spoken word
I am not talking about the content of what someone says. Be attentive and try to pay attention to the little words that a person uses again and again. Just like non-verbal communication, there are phrases that do not really change the meaning of a sentence, but allow you to draw conclusions about that person’s personality.
Phrases such as “ I think / I think ”, “ I don’t know ” or “ I’m not entirely sure ” and words such as “ actually ”, “ maybe ” or “ probably ” serve to qualify statements and show a lack of self-confidence . If the person you are talking to uses these words more often, it indicates a weaker personality, i.e. someone who does not stand by what they think, feel or otherwise perceive.
Interpreting body language through the voice
The strength of a person’s voice alone can tell you who the “leader” of a group is. Whether at a work meeting or among friends in the cafeteria, the person with the strongest voice is most likely the alpha in that social constellation.
Voice strength depends not only on volume, but also on pitch. In the second part, I’ll give you tips for improving your body language. There, I’ll discuss a simple exercise that will instantly give you a stronger voice.
Interpreting body language through the arms and hands
Arms and hands are often used subconsciously by the brain, for example, to protect itself or to reduce stress . They are a very reliable clue and you should always pay attention to them if you want to interpret the body language of the person you are talking to .
A person scratches their neck, the back of the neck or repeatedly covers parts of their face and eyes with their hand. This is a sign of nervousness. By covering their face the person is trying to hide. Flight is a basic instinct in us when danger threatens. However, we were taught not to simply run away when we feel uncomfortable or nervous.
We actively suppress the impulse to flee . Scratching the skin is a way of relieving stress that arises from this suppression by stimulating the nervous system. Hiding is a “compromise” that the brain makes subconsciously because it cannot run away and yet still wants to protect itself.
These reactions can occur if the person you are talking to is forced to lie, if you bring up a topic that is very uncomfortable for them, or if you are getting too close to them in a conversation and thereby crossing their personal boundaries.
Another defensive gesture is crossed arms , combined with the upper body slightly turned away. There are other defensive gestures that are usually not recognized as such because only one arm is involved. Women, for example, tend to touch the opposite shoulder with one arm . Whereas men are more likely to hold a drink or a bottle in their hand and use this (and their forearm) to cover their stomach.
Consciously use your body language for yourself
Eliminate bad habits
You’re already informed and know the clues to successfully reading other people’s body language. You’ll achieve the greatest success if you consciously eliminate negative, defensive body language and replace it with positive, open body language.
In this section, I’ll give you concrete suggestions for solutions that you can integrate into all your social interactions as needed to become more confident and attractive.
- Pay attention to your words. You’ll remember the opportunities to qualify statements. Observe yourself, listen consciously while you speak. Eliminate these phrases and words from your vocabulary. If you express yourself concretely and precisely, you’ll notice that your self-confidence increases and others will respect you more.
- Use your voice. If you use your voice correctly, people will treat you with much more respect, and you will exude a strong sense of authority. Therefore, I’ll give you two very specific ways to strengthen your voice. Imagine that you are directing your words at your conversation partner like a laser beam. Imagine that the laser beam passes through your counterpart and you have to hit something behind them.
- Pay attention to your gait. Above, I taught you how to recognize a strong personality just by their gait. Watch yourself while running. While you run, always remind yourself that you are on the way to your goal. This goal is extremely important and meaningful to you, and so are your steps. Like a superhero, stride through the crowd with determination, but not in a hurry. Lift your chin an inch and maintain eye contact with people. Smile at those you pass.
Use objects to make your counterpart open up to you more
It is well known that body and mind influence each other. If the person you are talking to is adopting a defensive stance, their body language will also influence their thinking. People with crossed arms (often!) behave more defensively and approach others with more skepticism in conversations.
Once you have interpreted their body language correctly, you can consciously loosen their defensive stance. Coax them out of their shell! Greet someone with a friendly handshake , ask for their business card, or offer to bring them a glass of water or a coffee. In a group, you can pass things around (e.g. a smartphone). Find and use ways for others to get up or change their seat and thus their posture.
Because the more the body language of your conversation partner opens up and moves, the more they are emotionally invested in the conversation. And we humans value the things we have invested a lot in the most.
Use eye contact to give your words greater impact
Eye contact is extremely important, but it can be difficult to maintain, especially when you’re thinking. Most people start talking and then let their gaze wander to the floor or the air to reflect during the conversation.
Here’s one way you can dramatically improve your nonverbal communication by using facial expressions: If you look away to think, do it before you respond. Pause the conversation, adopt a thoughtful expression while looking away, and then confidently meet the other person’s eyes when you start speaking again.
Conclusion: Interpreting body language
You’ve now learned how to interpret body language, understand facial expressions and nonverbal communication, and you even know how to positively influence and use your own body language.
The only thing that matters now is relaxation. Relax into your next conversation, social interaction, whatever it may be. You already have the knowledge. You can focus on the practical experience, and the more relaxed you feel in your communication, the better you’ll be able to pay attention to and interpret the body language of those around you. Additionally, your body language will appear more natural and relaxed.
Understanding the influence your body language has on your self-perception and self-confidence is crucial. If you implement the above tips into your life, you’ll quickly see improvements in the effectiveness of your communication. People around you will perceive you better, respect you more, your self-confidence will increase , and you’ll be able to meet new people more quickly .
