Quick-wittedness is the ability to defend yourself confidently with verbal counter-arguments, even in surprising situations, in order to clearly signal to the other person that you are a self-assured person who is not easily intimidated or unsettled .
The aim of quick-wittedness is not to simply insult your “attacker” or talk back stupidly, but much more to counter in an intelligent, witty, and quick-witted manner that makes it clear that you have the upper hand in the argument at all times .
In some cases, quick-wittedness can even be an effective tool for coming across as more likeable , as it automatically signals a strong and therefore attractive personality.
1. Technique for quick-witted rebuttals: Unexpected agreement
With this technique we use the element of surprise to take the wind out of the attacker’s sails.
Verbal attack: “Your sweater is a disaster!”
Good retort:
- “Thanks for the advice, I’ll take it to heart.”
- “I’m happy to agree if it makes you feel better.”
- “Absolutely right! You’re not the first to realize that!”
Verbal attack: “Do you always sweat so much?”
Good retorts:
- “Yes, very well observed!”
- “Hopefully it works now!”
Verbal attack: “Are you wearing the same thing again?”
Good retorts:
- “Absolutely! And I love it.”
- “That’s what it looks like. I’m pretty embarrassed now!”
2. Technique for quick-witted rebuttals: Agreement + exaggeration
A certain ability for self-criticism/irony is a prerequisite for the success of this technique. You’re not denying the accusation here, but rather trying to downplay its significance by throwing in the most humorous comparison possible.
Verbal attack: “Your high-water pants are way too short and absolutely impossible! Probably from a secondhand shop, right?!”
Good retorts:
- “You’re right! A little shorter and I’d totally wear shorts.”
- “You’re so right! My grandmother gave it to me, by the way. I’ll have to have a serious talk with her later.”
3. Technique for quick-witted retorts: Counter questions
A question is short and easy to ask. A reason, on the other hand, is often much more difficult to formulate. This allows you to bring the verbal attack back to a factual level. You may then be able to resort to other quick-witted techniques.
Verbal attack: “You’re a sleazy ass-kisser of management!”
Good retorts:
- “I’ve never seen it like that before! But what do you mean, sleazy?”
- “I think you’re the only one who has that opinion, but could you please explain it in detail?”
- “What exactly is your problem?”
Verbal attack: “Your butt looks absolutely impossible in your pants!”
Good counter-arguments
- “What is your allegation based on?”
- “What do you mean, impossible? Do you suffer from it?”
Verbal attack: “What? You want to do that, but you’ll never be able to do it.”
Good retort
- “Anyone can say that, of course. But please explain it in detail!”
Verbal attack: “You had a better figure before the holidays.”
Good counter-arguments:
- “Oh really? You’re worried about my figure?”
- “Is there anything else coming, or is this the moment where I have to justify myself? … I expected more. Thanks, I don’t even have to justify myself.”
4. Technique for quick-witted retorts: tit-for-tat
This technique involves throwing the verbal attack back at the attacker like a boomerang. The motto is: Back to sender!
Verbal attack: “Mr./Ms. …, you’re clearly retarded and a complete idiot!”
Good rebuttal:
- “Well, Mr./Mrs. Müller, you should never draw conclusions about others based on yourself.”
Verbal attack: “I have never seen such a scaredy-cat as you.”
Good retort:
- “Funny how you’re actually talking about yourself.”
Verbal attack: “Honestly, it looks like you have a huge ego problem.”
Good retort:
- “Well-intentioned advice from me: You shouldn’t judge others based on yourself!”
5. Technique for quick-witted counters: Positive change of direction
This technique is about transforming a negative judgment into a positive one!
Verbal attack: “You aren’t contributing much to this discussion today!”
Good retort
- “Just wait, this is just the calm before the storm.”
Verbal attack: “You’re as stubborn as a donkey! ”
Good retort:
- “Well, if you mean someone who has their own opinion, knows exactly what they want in life, and doesn’t allow themselves to be manipulated, then I absolutely agree with you!”
Verbal attack: “You’re always the first to leave work!”
Good retort:
- “Good point! That’s probably because I’m the only one with effective time management.”
Verbal attack: “You’ve been in better shape.”
Good retort:
- “I adapt well and quickly to my surroundings.”
Verbal attack: “You are not a team player at all. ”
Good retort:
- “True. I prefer to tackle the really difficult tasks myself.”
Verbal attack: “You’re such a slow snail – once again it took way too long.”
Good retort:
- “You’re absolutely right – my overzealousness has been my downfall!”
Verbal attack: “You dropped out of college. I guess that wasn’t for you?”
Good rebuttal:
- “That’s true. But it’s precisely through this experience that I truly know what I want for my future.”
Verbal attack: “Did you get that plastic watch from a cornflakes box?”
Good retort:
- “Thanks for the compliment. Honestly, I don’t care much for superficialities. Going with the flow like a sheep was never really my thing.”
6. Technique for quick-witted counter-sayings: Standard sayings
This is a repertoire of good counters that you can use quickly in many situations when you can’t think of a better counter.
Verbal attack: “You are so incompetent!”
Good retorts:
- “I love your jokes.”
- “You always make me laugh. Wonderful!”
- “You don’t need to talk anymore, nobody cares anyway.”
Verbal attack: “Well, you’ve been in better shape before.”
Good retorts:
- “You’re so mean to me today, if I had a tissue I’d start crying.”
- “Are you finished or is there something useful coming up?”
- “So-so, Mr./Mrs. Müller!”
- “Typical sayings like these, they have absolutely nothing to do with the matter.”
Verbal attack: “I wouldn’t even dare to take your car to the scrapyard!”
Good retorts:
- “Thank you for the compliment.”
- “That was weak! Do you really need that?!”
- “Great idea – you should definitely write it down!”
- “These sayings aren’t new and won’t help anyone. But as long as you at least enjoy them!”
Verbal attack: “You have zero control over your life.”
Good retorts:
- “Further …”
- “Aha, someone seems to have eaten wisdom with a spoon.”
- “Compliments! I wouldn’t have thought you’d make such a clever remark.”
- “Thanks! I’ll come back to this when I get a chance.”
Verbal attack: “Nice to hear, but it doesn’t contribute to the topic!”
Good counter-arguments:
- “Ohhh man, you really need to communicate, don’t you?!”
- “But-but Mr./Mrs. Müller!”
- “You always know better, right?”
7. Technique for counter-arguments: setting clear boundaries
This technique should be used when it becomes clear that your counterpart or attacker is only interested in hitting below the belt, making any further verbal exchange unnecessary. In extreme cases, it may even be necessary to interrupt the attacker mid-sentence.
Let the person finish speaking, or even interrupt them and firmly say: “Okay, that’s enough. Period! The discussion is over!”
8. Technique for quick-witted counter-arguments: Postponement
This technique is about timing the attacker out of bounds.
Verbal attack: “That’s the biggest nonsense I’ve ever heard.”
Good retorts:
- “Mr./Mrs. Müller, I’ll think about it tonight and then tell you tomorrow what I think of your point of view.”
- “I would be happy to give you my personal opinion in private after the meeting.”
Verbal attack: “God, how boring, we’ve all heard that before!”
Good counter-arguments:
- “That’s the subject of another meeting. Please be patient, Mr./Mrs. Müller.”
- “Could you please wait a little longer with this comment until a time when it is more appropriate.”
9. Technique for quick-witted rebuttals: Politician interview
The idea here is to use positive emotions and positive aspects to steer the context onto a positive/neutral track right from the start.
Verbal attack: “How do you explain the disastrous election result?”
Good rebuttal:
- “First of all, I would like to sincerely thank all the helpers and, of course, the voters. I think the most pleasing thing about this election result is undoubtedly…”
Verbal attack: “Your team is the only one that had a 34% drop in sales last quarter. How do you explain that?”
Good rebuttal:
- “Well, first of all, I’d like to sincerely thank each and every one of my team. I’m proud that each of us gave it our all, because without that ambition, none of this would have been possible. There were undoubtedly a few weak points, but I’m very pleased to say that…”
10. Technique for quick-witted rebuttals: Reject an opinion / Consciously avoid conversation / Back to the point…
Verbal attack: “Who on earth comes up with such ideas?”
Good retorts:
- “Well said, but you’re repeating yourself. So back to the point…”
- “Typical! You always say the same thing, Mr./Mrs. Müller!”
Verbal attack: “That will never work!”
Good counters:
- “Thanks for your opinion, but let’s stay on topic.”
- “Good to know! You’re like a hamster, Mr./Mrs. Müller, your arguments just keep going in circles.”
- “That is (solely) your opinion.”
Verbal attack: “You have neither the experience nor the intellectual competence for this project.”
Good rebuttal:
- Witty post. You should write the whole thing down, because this insult is worth immortalizing. … And now on to the cost of the project…”
Choose the quick-witted remarks/counter-replies that best suit you and your personality and test your skills in this quick-witted counter-replies exercise .
