The getting-to-know-you phase is an exciting time, filled with emotions. But what are the best tips? How do you best interact with your partner, both online and on the first date? Find out now.
Getting to know each other online: the first contact
Around one in four couples meet online these days. Even more couples find each other through friends. Take these four tips to heart, and the online dating phase will be a success:
1. Stay patient
Patience is especially important during the getting-to-know-you phase. Not every single person is online 24/7 or free at the same times you are.
If it takes a few hours or maybe even a day, don’t get upset right away, but use the opportunity to ask the other person what they do in their free time.
This makes it easier to start a conversation and at the same time you can better understand why you don’t get an answer every 5 minutes.
2. Don’t rush into the getting-to-know-you phase
We understand that you want to get started right away. And you should. But how you do it is the question.
Most singles make these mistakes right from the start, thus scaring off their potential dating partner. Our tip is: stay relaxed during the getting-to-know-you phase.
3. Mistakes you should avoid when getting to know someone online
- Men in particular tend to use the wrong tone when they are first getting to know each other.
- Sending messages using copy and paste. Most people quickly see through this and it never goes down well.
- “Funny” flirting lines that are simply inappropriate. Get to know your date and their sense of humor better before going too far with witty remarks.
- In your first message, just send a “Hey, how are you?” and try to let others do the work.
- You want to switch to external messengers too quickly.Â
4. Tips that work well during the online getting-to-know-you phase
- Provide information in your profile and write a personalized message. This will make you much more interesting.
- Try to find common ground, such as hobbies.
- Ask questions that really interest you and are important to you.
- The other way around: Tell us something about yourself and include small questions for the other person.Â
5 things to pay attention to on a first date
You’ve been writing to each other for a while. You’ve discovered many topics of conversation and common ground—and you’re even flirting a bit.
It’s obvious: Sooner or later, you’ll meet. But please remember: you’re meeting a complete stranger.
1. Listen to your gut during the getting-to-know-you phase
Only go on a date if you really have a good feeling about it.
2. Neutral place
We strongly advise against meeting at home for the first date. Instead, meet in a public place—perhaps even one you’re familiar with, for example, because you know the staff.
3. Plan yourself
Only ask for a ride home if you truly feel comfortable with your conversation partner. If you’re staying in a hotel because your online acquaintance lives far away, please book your hotel yourself.
4. Inform friends
Inform a trusted person in advance about your planned meeting. Have them call you after a certain amount of time to confirm that everything is okay. Make sure your cell phone is charged and keep it turned on during the meeting.
5. Stay the way you are
Don’t pretend on your first date. To make the best possible first impression, it’s important to be honest and sincere. This also applies to your initial meeting, including texting. It’s easy to be tempted to reveal more about yourself than you’d like or to portray yourself differently because you’re embarrassed by your own mistakes.
The protection of anonymity can be easily misleading, so ask yourself beforehand: “Would I tell the same thing in person or not?” Don’t let yourself be pressured into anything during the date either. Speak up if something irritates or unsettles you.
10 general tips for the ideal getting-to-know-you phase
1. Stay relaxed
A relationship doesn’t just fall from the sky. The intensive getting-to-know-you phase, to truly determine whether you’re compatible, simply takes time. So just stay relaxed and do what you feel like doing. If your date contacts you and asks if you’d like to do something together, all the better.
2. Be careful with your expectations
Your new partner suggestion is witty and well-written, and seems to have a similar mindset to you. After a short time, you feel a strong connection. Your mind is racing. We understand your excitement; after all, you’re looking for a relationship. Nevertheless, be careful not to overestimate your expectations. Wait a few phone calls and meetings with your new online acquaintance before getting too carried away with your hopes.
3. Fear of rejection
Have you been disappointed in the past and are afraid it will go wrong again this time? Perhaps you generally find it difficult to accept affection from others? Talk about your doubts! Someone who is genuinely interested in you will understand and work with you to overcome your insecurities. It would be a shame if you couldn’t commit to a new relationship because of old fears.
4. Some topics are a no-go
Not every topic is suitable for the initial introduction phase. To avoid putting your foot in it, you should avoid the following topics:Â
- Children
- Marry
- Financial security – How much does your date earn?
- The ex-partner
- Sexual preferences
Such topics simply require a certain level of basic trust. If you haven’t yet developed this, it’s best to refrain from discussing them for now.
5. Don’t be an open book – make yourself interesting
If you reveal too much about yourself right from the start, you risk ending the getting-to-know-you phase prematurely.
Maintain a balance between topics from the past and topics that will be important to you in the future. Signal that you’re simply not ready to discuss certain topics yet, and build mutual trust first. This will keep you interesting and signal that you have your principles and don’t have to share everything at any cost.
6. Be attentive
Just as you want to be actively listened to, you need to reciprocate. However, this also means that you shouldn’t just talk about yourself and not let your date get a chance to speak. Show interest, because after all, you want to know more about your potential partner, don’t you?
7. Show initiative
Both women and men contribute equally to further development during the phases of getting to know each other.
So don’t always let your date make the next move. If you would like to see your date again, simply say so and make suggestions about what you could do on the next date.
8. How often do you write (or see) during the getting-to-know-you phase?
Of course, this depends entirely on your own wishes and needs. However, there are generally some basic rules to follow.
- Don’t bombard your date with further messages immediately after the first contact.
- After the first date, you should let it sink in and not immediately bother your partner with messages and phone calls.Â
- Don’t wait too long after your initial contact—it can take a day or two for a response. Waiting longer than three days comes across as rude and shows disinterest.
9. Patience
Men, in particular, have a hard time staying patient during the getting-to-know-you phase. We can understand if you have butterflies in your stomach, that things can’t move fast enough.
However, experience shows that restraining yourself and simply remaining patient increases your chances of a potential relationship.
10. Control your emotions
Of course, you would like to burst with happiness, but beware of hasty declarations of love.
Emotions can quickly overwhelm you. However, premature statements about a desire for a relationship, marriage, or children can also quickly alienate your partner. Tip: Use compliments to give your feelings space and air.
Shy? 6 tips for a successful getting-to-know-you phase
Do you find it difficult to approach others? Are you very nervous about getting to know others, especially when it comes to dating and you actually like the person you’re meeting? We all get nervous before a first date; a little heart palpitations and embarrassment are just part of it. Strong physical reactions like trembling, blushing, or constant stammering are signs of extreme shyness .
1. Create a feel-good situation
Make sure you feel comfortable during the in-person meeting. Choose a location you may already be familiar with. Consider what else you need to feel good: Do you prefer exercise or sitting together?
Do you want to have a conversation, or would you rather talk less and attend an exhibition or a concert? Do you feel more comfortable in casual or elegant attire?
2. Smiling helps
If you do have a blackout, try not to tense up too much. A smile will relax not only you but also the other person. Perhaps your date has experienced similar situations? Laughing about it together helps.
Don’t forget: you and your date are in the same boat. Some singles are just better at hiding their excitement.
3. Be open and honest
Be open about your shyness. This will make you appear likeable and courageous at the same time, and can prevent awkward situations. It also gives your counterpart a chance to assess the situation.
Did you know, for example, that shyness is sometimes confused with arrogance or disinterest? This means that not everyone senses that you’re being quiet out of embarrassment. Some people might even take your taciturnity personally. So pull yourself together—talking about it helps.
4. Start talking during the getting-to-know-you phase
Studies show: Most people don’t remember what someone says, but rather how much they say. Not everything you say has to be perfectly thought out and sound particularly well-worded. Always remember: Other people are sometimes unsure too and then say things that make little sense—so what?
5. Stay optimistic
Be patient at every stage of getting to know each other and don’t blame yourself if the date wasn’t successful.
View every meeting with a potential partner as valuable practice – until the right one comes along.
6. Get out of your comfort zone
In general, you can overcome your shyness to a certain extent. Try to face your fears and consciously overcome your limits.
For example, start with small exercises like small talk. Take every opportunity for a “kleine Schnack,” as the locals would say.
The first dates are over – how does the getting-to-know-you phase continue?
Your first few dates were already a complete success, but now you’re starting to wonder what’s next? If that butterflies in your stomach doesn’t subside, then you might consider taking the next step toward a relationship.
If, on the other hand, you’re still a bit unsure, just keep going. Arrange a second date, do something together, and get to know each other better. Until you’re both sure what you want and whether it’s a good fit for both of you.Â
