Good small talk? Many people find it difficult. Very few people are born with the ability to talk. But that doesn’t matter, because small talk is easy to learn.
With a few helpful tips and a little practice, nothing stands in the way of your next casual conversation with your colleague, your neighbor, or even a personal meeting with your online acquaintance.
Learn small talk with 10 tips
Want to finally learn how to make small talk properly? Let’s go! With a little practice and these 10 tips, you’re sure to succeed.
1. Start the conversation directly
All beginnings are difficult, and this also applies to small talk. Most people find starting a conversation particularly difficult. Approaching a stranger requires a lot of courage and determination. Our advice: The longer you delay the situation, the more nervous you’ll become. So it’s better to jump right in than to wait too long.
2. Find the right small talk topic
Jumping straight into a conversation is all well and good, but what should you talk about? If you want to learn small talk, you should definitely think about a suitable topic. A good way to start is to introduce yourself with your name. What do you do for a living and why are you here today? Starting with this usually breaks the ice. Other popular small talk topics include:
- Hobbies and interests: Â Everyone has something they particularly enjoy doing. Hobbies and interests are therefore good starting points for small talk.
- Profession : “What do you do for a living?” The job is by far the most popular small talk topic .
- Good films, books and music:Â Before you delve too deeply into this topic and deliver a long monologue about your favorite series, you should clarify whether your conversation partner is also interested in it.
- The weather: Â The absolute classic among small talk topics, but still a popular choice.
- Current topics:Â What’s happening in Germany and the world right now? Did you hear something interesting on the radio on your way to the meeting? Then simply make it the topic of your conversation.
- Other people: Â Do you have a mutual friend from school or know each other through a work colleague? Mutual contacts are always a good opportunity for casual small talk. Of course, gossiping is forbidden!
3. Learn small talk: Ask open questions
Awkward silences are always an uncomfortable situation. But did you know you can easily prevent them? By phrasing your questions openly instead of just asking yes/no questions, you can easily keep the conversation flowing.
Our tips for open questions :
- Instead of: “Did you have a good day?”, ask: “What did you experience today?”
- “What kind of music do you like best” is better than “Do you like the song?”
- You can keep the conversation going better with: “What is your favorite food?” than with: “Do you like the food as much as you do?”
4. Signal interest
If your counterpart feels like you’re not interested in what they’re saying, the conversation will be very short. If you want to learn good small talk, it’s therefore very important to express your genuine interest. The easiest way to do this is by:
- Don’t have an averse posture! Â Turn your body openly toward the person you want to talk to.
- Don’t cross your arms in front of your body. Â This can quickly come across as unwelcoming.
- You can also achieve a lot with your gestures. An approving nod or a brief smile signals interest.
- Ask questions  about what your conversation partner is telling you. Of course, the rule here is: only ask questions that truly interest you. Fake interest will always be discovered sooner or later.
5. Laugh
It sounds so simple, yet so effective. Even a genuine, friendly smile can make a big difference during a conversation.
And the best part: You’re killing two birds with one stone. Because smiling not only wins sympathy points with the person you’re talking to, but also makes you feel much better yourself.
6. Practice small talk at home
Have you ever stood in front of the mirror at home and just chatted with yourself for a bit? While this might seem a bit awkward and uncomfortable at first, it’s actually a great way to practice casual small talk. And if you don’t want to talk to yourself, get a good friend to help you. Learning together is much more fun anyway.
7. Listen
Speech is silver, silence is gold. This well-known saying also applies to casual conversation. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you just sit there silently and listen to your conversation partner’s stories. On the other hand, small talk shouldn’t consist of you conducting a monologue without the other person getting a chance to speak.
Try to strike a balance between listening and speaking. A deep yawn or a wandering gaze are signs that it’s time to let the other person talk again.
8. Be positive in small talk
“Oh dear, I’ve never gotten along well with him!” Anyone who starts small talk with that attitude is sure to be unsuccessful. Our tip is therefore: approach the conversation positively and with an open mind. Who knows, maybe you’ll discover a whole new side to the person, or maybe you both share a great hobby you never knew existed. Without a positive and open attitude, you’ll never find out.
9. Focus on your counterpart
“What do I say next?”, “What do you think he’s thinking about me?”, and “I hope no one notices how shy I am!” These thought patterns should be a thing of the past from now on.
During the conversation, try not to think about yourself the whole time, but rather focus on the other person. What are they saying? How are they behaving, and how are they feeling? These questions will provide helpful insights for your small talk.
10. This helps in the event of a blackout
Have you ever had a blackout? A complete blackout, where your mind suddenly went blank? This is probably the worst situation for most people. Yet it’s certainly happened to everyone. Our tip for a blackout during small talk is: Just talk about it! Say casually: “I’ve completely lost the thread! Where were we?” This way, everyone will surely understand your little lapse, and your open and honest manner will also earn you an extra portion of sympathy points.
The 10 typical mistakes in small talk
Many people shy away from casual conversations with strangers for fear of making a mistake. However, most mistakes are easily avoidable:
1. Know-it-all attitude
There’s hardly anything more annoying than someone who constantly seems to know everything better. Nobody likes talking to someone who constantly lectures them and makes them feel like they don’t even know what they’re talking about.
2. Address controversial topics
Topics like money, relationships, religion, or personal problems have no place in casual small talk. The risk is too high that you both will disagree, and the casual conversation will deteriorate into a heated argument.
3. Self-love
“I already know that!”, “I always do it that way!”, “It’s unbelievable what I experienced again today!” Always talking about yourself rarely goes down well in a conversation. Let the other person figure out for themselves how great you are, instead of rubbing it in their face so blatantly.
4. Complaining and whining
Sure, everyone has bad days, and every now and then you need to let your hair down. However, small talk isn’t the right opportunity for that. It’s better to pour your heart out to a good friend than to a complete stranger.
5. Looking at your phone
Frequent pulling out your phone to check the messages during a conversation? A complete no-go. This sends a clear message to the other person: The messages on my phone are more interesting than the conversation. Definitely not a good starting point for successful small talk.
6. Constant contradiction
“No, that’s not true!” “I see it differently!” Someone who constantly contradicts someone and is determined to assert their opinion comes across as argumentative and aloof rather than likable. If you notice that you simply can’t see eye to eye on something, it’s better to skillfully change the subject rather than trying to convince the other person of your opinion at all costs.
7. A no-go in small talk: monologues
The goal of small talk is to get to know the other person better. How can you learn about your conversation partner if you don’t let them speak? So feel free to share a bit about yourself, but also ask questions and listen attentively while the other person speaks.
8. Too much brooding
A mistake most people make when making small talk is overthinking. Worried about doing or saying something wrong, we analyze our every action in detail, which ultimately leads us to come across as totally tense and tense. And even worse: When your mind is so busy thinking, you can’t concentrate on what the other person has to say.
9. Hiding emotions
You shouldn’t show any emotions during small talk , since you don’t even know the person yet. Nonsense! Emotions are essential for getting to know people and developing sympathy.
10. Wanting to have the perfect conversation
A casual conversation isn’t a competition to deliver the smartest and most interesting contribution. Rather, it’s about having a relaxed conversation and getting to know the other person better.
When does small talk become flirting?
Whether it’s with colleagues at work, while shopping at the supermarket checkout, or the daily chat with the friendly salesperson at the corner coffee shop, small talk is essential in many different situations. Even when it comes to finding a partner, it’s inevitable. Almost every flirtation begins with a completely casual conversation. If both parties realize during their conversation that they like each other, the casual conversation quickly turns into a full-blown flirtation.  You can recognize it by these 5 signs:
1. Eye contact
While you tend to look at your counterpart’s face during a casual conversation, when flirting your gaze usually goes straight to the eyes.
2. The topics of conversation change
If a casual conversation turns into a flirtation, your topics of conversation will also change. Often, they’ll focus more on your relationship status or your own opinions on dating. Popular topics also include prejudices about men and women, as well as bad flirting experiences.
3. Light physical contact during small talk
Physical contact has no place in ordinary small talk. If he briefly touches your hand or strokes your arm during the conversation, these could be the first signs that your conversation is turning into a flirtation.
4. Mutual compliments
If he compliments you, notices your pretty dress, or emphasizes your good looks, then that is another sign of flirting.
5. Teasing and little jokes
It’s not for nothing that the saying goes: “Those who love each other tease each other.” Little jokes and mutual teasing are a common way to cover up tension and insecurity. They also show that you both have a similar sense of humor and find each other attractive.
Conclusion: See every conversation as an opportunity!
Good small talk isn’t rocket science. As with many other things, practice makes perfect. So take advantage of every opportunity to learn how to have casual conversations.
Don’t see it as a tedious task, but rather as a genuine opportunity to get to know your counterpart better and gain new, exciting experiences. Who knows, maybe one of them is even hiding your true love…
