The difficult thing about bad habits is that they become second nature to us, and eventually we no longer even notice them. We think, speak, and behave in the same patterns over and over again – and this often drives those around us crazy or even mad .
The first step to breaking these negative communication habits is to become aware of them. So, if you identify with the following points in this article, it’s probably high time to get rid of these bad habits.
Negative Habit 1: Always wanting to be right
For us humans, it’s (unfortunately) true that being right feels good. So it’s no wonder that we always want to hit the nail on the head. However, it becomes problematic when we start rubbing it in our fellow human beings’ faces when they’re wrong. After all, other people naturally don’t like being wrong any more than we do.
But where does our need to always be right come from? You, just like everyone else, are probably afraid of rejection. That is, the fear of not being valuable, smart, or successful enough for those around you or your social environment.
Perhaps you have a negative belief anchored in you that you are secretly unlovable and that as soon as you make a mistake, your loved ones will see your imperfection and leave you. But that won’t happen if you admit your mistakes. Quite the opposite!
If we stop trying to correct others in every situation, no matter how small, or insisting on our own opinion, then that automatically makes us much more likeable. After all, being criticized as “incorrect” is a very unpleasant experience for the other person. However, admitting our own mistakes gives the other person the comforting pleasure of being right.
Negative habit 2: Always block feedback and criticism immediately
Maybe you’re incredibly successful at what you do; so successful that you don’t even need any “help” to get better. So why should you listen to feedback and criticism, possibly from people who don’t even understand what you’re doing? Because it not only improves your performance, but also your relationships with those around you.
Whether at work or in a relationship, the people around you also like to influence their environment. When someone gives you feedback, they want to actively shape your relationship and your situation. If you block out the criticism, it’s incredibly frustrating for the other person because it stifles their self-efficacy.
Imagine you’re sitting together in front of a blank canvas, but whenever someone suggests painting a blue bird here or a red triangle there, you brusquely reject their idea and just paint what you like. If the roles were reversed, you’d probably get in a bad mood pretty quickly, right?
Of course, you don’t have to take every criticism personally or even implement it. For your conversation partner, it is only important that he/she is heard/perceived by you.
Negative Habit 3: Wanting to be everyone’s favorite
If your words are only concerned with pleasing everyone in the room, they carry less weight. And people know—consciously or subconsciously—whether your words are authentic. A lack of authenticity leads to a loss of trust , and your message loses resonance.
In the worst case, it even leads to people disliking you precisely because you want to be liked so desperately.
Of course, it’s a scary thought that people might not like you. But if you’re in a room with ten people, then it’s perfectly fine if at least eight of them genuinely like you. To avoid pandering to those around you and instead reveal your authentic self, ask yourself the following questions: What do I believe? What do I value in life? What are the truths I can’t back down on?
By becoming clear about who you are, your character solidifies. This self-confidence causes those around you to treat you with respect —even if they may not like you or disagree with your opinion.
Negative habit 4: Always presenting yourself in a good light
We want to shine not only with our clothes, but also with our character. Intelligence, charisma and humor are the pearls of our personality. But as in fashion: less is more. If we have to show off our “good sides” in every situation, it can quickly become exhausting for those around us. The phrase ” I know ” in particular can drive the other person crazy the umpteenth time.
But knowing everything or trying to show it off is not a brilliant achievement. Quite the opposite! If you simply dismiss the valuable thoughts and insights of those around you with a bored nod, you will come across as arrogant and distant. While the people around you may – but only may – admire you for your intellect, they will not want to be with you.
This habit is particularly fatal at work
Even in the workplace, you don’t choose someone solely for their expertise; you also have to get along well and be likeable. So, in the future, be careful not to often give speeches where you dominate the floor for long periods.
If others want to contribute something to the topic, refrain from simply ignoring them and letting them speak. Also, resist the urge to “outdo” others with your knowledge and experience. For example, if your colleague tells you about his vacation in Rome, it doesn’t matter that you’ve been there many times.
Speaking is silver, listening is gold
The underlying cause of all these negative communication habits is the fear of rejection . We believe that if we always present ourselves well and can underline our value with words, we can convince others to like us.
But in reality, the exact opposite happens. From the perspective of those around us, we come across as exhausting, arrogant, and dismissive. But there’s a magic bullet to make you more likeable: listening! People love to talk about themselves. When they can talk about themselves and share their experiences and ideas, they feel valuable.
When you listen to those around you, you give them this incredibly wonderful feeling. Up until now, you’ve probably often thought that what you say is what matters to make other people like you. Instead, it’s how you make others feel that counts .
By abandoning these four negative communication habits and shifting your focus to those around you, you will deepen your relationships and win more people over.
